Something in my heart flared.~Anthony Doerr (From Four Seasons In Rome)

I forget, sometimes, how safe God is. I share a few sentences from my book, The Light By Which We See, Love, Art, Marriage. This day in Barcelona helps me remember.  

When I traveled to Europe, self-consciousness about how I looked rose to the surface. That day in Barcelona, in 2009, in April, I observed a woman board our train. Her dark hair gleamed, and her skin reflected no flaws. She had pink, full lips and gloriously white teeth--shiny natural nails. She wore a silver ring. I wanted to be her. Giovanni held my hand, his thumb gently rubbing back and forth over my freckled skin. The woman glanced briefly at us. She looked at our hands. Her glimpse wasn't even a second, but I saw a flicker cross her face--that expression that let me know she'd seen something intimate--something that wasn't a commonplace occurrence. Then she quickly looked away. If I hadn't been watching her so closely, I'd have missed it. Maybe she wanted to be me--sitting there with someone, connected to someone.

I could hear the rushing of the train, its loud rumblings, the clattering. My thoughts howled as loudly as the train. I cried out, my voice blending with the clamoring, thundering train. "Please stop. Please stop. God what is it? Let me want to be me."

Later that night, God answered my question in a dream, with visualization so powerful the image became the focus of the book's cover. God does that. He isn't fazed by desperation. He loves to draw near to us when we are beseiged with panic and loneliness, filled up with lies about who we are. Jesus reaches down and pulls us close. The nearness and reality of Jesus is transformative. He touches us. Our hearts flare in relief that we can be loved by Him, sit by Him, and connect to Him without shame. 

Let us never forget that God is great. God is awesome. His mercy is unending. He fights for us.