Despite everything, I believed somehow there was time.~Lily King (From Euphoria)

He died suddenly while mowing his lawn. Somehow I wasn't surprised that he passed away while conducting a task. He prioritized work, performance and productivity. He found it hard to let go, to stop checking off items on the list, to stop worrying about what he would do if everything was lost in a hurricane or if his money ran out or if he could no longer accomplish the maintenance on his home. Or if he ended up alone. I asked him once what he most enjoyed. "Music," he said. "I used to go to concerts all the time." "What if you went soon?" I said. "Nah, I've got too much to do. Besides who would I go with?" "But what if you went anyway?" I challenged. He just smiled and shook his head.

The next time I saw him he said, "Guess what?" "Tell me," I said. "I went to a concert. By myself. It was outdoors, so I took a blanket and a picnic. Priscilla, I sat there and let the music absorb me. It was dusk, the sky beginning to fill with stars, the sky that kind of blue that makes you want to cry. All the songs of my youth. Memories galore. And it was really okay that I was alone. I didn't feel lonely, surrounded by all the other people and the music."

"Sounds like you grabbed a moment. Lived your life," I said.

"Yes. For once."

It is easy to be lulled into believing that we can get to "the living" when "I get caught up," or "when the kids are grown," or when "I have x amount of money in the bank," or "I've lost twenty pounds," or "I finish...(fill in the blank)." But what if we didn't? 

I watched a movie this week, All The Money In the World. It is a story inspired by true events when John Paul Getty III was kidnapped by a mafia gang, and the boy's grandfather hesitated to pay the ransom, because it was too costly. His right hand man said, "Mr. Getty, you have more money than anyone in the world. How much money do you need?" Mr. Getty answered, "More." He died surrounded by his art collection, lonely and miserable.

We all have to make a living. We are designed to work, perform and accomplish. To expand our wealth and be productive. We are also created to experience joy and pleasure, rest and peace. Meaning and significance.  Matt Haig, in his book, How To Stop Time puts it like this:

And just as it only takes a moment to die, it only takes a moment to live. You just close your eyes and let every futile fear slip away. And then, in this new state, free from fear, you ask yourself: who am I? If I could live without doubt what would I do?...If I could love without fear of being hurt? If I could taste the sweetness of today without thinking of how I would miss that taste tomorrow? If I could not fear the passing of time and the people it will steal? Yes. What would I do? Who would I care for? What battle would I fight? Which paths would I step down? What joys would I allow myself? What internal mysteries would I solve? How, in short would I live?

Ponder these questions.  Perhaps Mr. Getty would say, "Don't be seduced by 'more.'" And my friend who died in a moment would implore you, "Get the blanket, pack your picnic. Let the music surround you."